I Am A Creep, and this is my dirty epic. Musings on information overload, inappropriate online behavior and disrespect of personal space.
A Dirty Internet Creep… whether well-intentioned, wrong intentioned or no intent at all…too curious for one’s sake? Overzealous interest? Obsessed, bored, infatuated, disillusioned, selfishly motivated? All of the above? Here I lay a tale to consider, to think about. Not to make excuses or reasons for the behavior, but just a mirror or window for one to see. Past tense, always has been or only recently…does the person you have wronged differentiate you between those categories, or are you one and all the same? Whether you became one or have always been one, will not change the act. So, I raise my hand barely above my head weighed by shame, and say I Am A Creep.
What would you have done if you stumble upon a small tidbit of information in this digital world overloaded with interconnected parts of people’s lives? As if some kind of treasure map, would it pique your interest and follow the trails that it promises? Are the thrills of more information discovered about a person’s life worth it at the risk of what virtual reputation and trust you may have be forever tarnished in said person’s eyes…even if you may never actually meet?
In this digital realm of records and databases, even a tiny bit of info can unlock a multitude of doors…doors at different points of a person’s life that you were not given permission to peer into. Even by fleeting glance, or downright stare, it needs no sign stating that it is forbidden. But I looked anyway. Because I Am A Creep.
You may have had a choice to stop this journey at any point in the digital life map, but got caught up in the chase powered by the allure of a prize where the spot is marked with an X. What was it exactly that you wanted to see? What exactly were you looking for? What satisfaction does it bring you to be in this journey? Or were you on a high of the thrill of it all in secrecy? Or…maybe not hide it at all. Because I Am A Creep.
Are you hungry for more? Has your conscience stepped in yet (it may have been trying to stop you during the trip)? Are you sickened or empowered at the end of it all? Are there any more ways you can make this even worse? Sure, Because I Am A Creep.
Peer in to people’s lives unbeknownst to them, or make them aware that you have stepped over the boundaries of their personal space? Is it less harmful to them not knowing of your intrusion? Do you have balls? Dirty Balls? I chose the most damning option, Because I Am A Dirty Creep.
This is not meant to ask forgiveness, because it is undeserved. Give it a good try anyway, the apologizing part. A very pointless exercise, just as pointless as the journey that had finished its course. But you have yet to see what the journey was really about.
What do you see? It was not really the other person’s life you saw or discovered at the end of it all. What did you really see, what did you really want to see? It was your own reflection that you were searching for. And in that reflection you saw A Creep.
If you have read this far, then you too are peering into a window of someone’s life. And it is mine. Should you be wondering who is peering into yours?
and the light blinds my eyes. and i feel dirty
and the light blinds my eyes
and i feel so…shaken in my faith.
here comes christ on crutches
and here comes another god. here comes another god
like a buffalo thunder…with a…smell of sugar…
and a velvet tongue…and designer voodoo.
and i got phone sex to see me through
the emptiness in my 501s.
freeze-dried with a new religion
and my teeth stuffed back in my head.
underworld : dirty epic